Platform Etiquette

In my years attending the Kingdom Hall I experienced many funny moments.  One brother who was having a difficult time in his marriage inadvertently opened a prayer with the immortal words; Our dear Heavenly Barbara!

Another elder used an octopus as an illustration throughout his talk and frequently referred to it's eight testicles.

The most cringeworthy moment came from an old Ministerial Servant who was asked to make the announcements during a Thursday meeting.  After stumbling through a letter from the Society his frustration boiled over and he uttered the word sh*t, both loudly and clearly, however instantly realising his dire error, he attempted to cover the expletives by a sudden and violent coughing fit.

This faux par of epic proportions (foul language at any time for a JW is not acceptable) became not just the talk of our Kingdom Hall but every other within a fifty mile radius. The Ministerial Servant - lets call him Bro Sweary - desperately tried to pass the whole thing off as a cough.  A few weeks later and some fool had pencilled Bro Sweary in to do the announcements again, a decision that some viewed with dismay while the less than perfect amongst us greeted with glee and anticipation.

The whole episode came to a glorious conclusion when Bro Sweary stood behind the lectern, looked up at the expectant congregation and began the announcements with;

'Last time I gave the announcements I believe some of you thought I used the word 'sh*t'.  I can assure you that you heard wrong, I would never use the word 'sh*t' from the platform, errr, in fact I wouldn't ever say 'sh*t ' anywhere.  I hope that clears up the misunderstanding, so now tonights announcements.'

You can imagine the tears of laughter from the teenagers and more than a few of us older ones. Some of the elderly sisters just stared at him, mouths open, hands on their faces. Red faced elders glared at him in abject horror while at least one toddler happily bobbed her head up and down as she chanted 'sh*t, sh*t, sh*t' to her outraged parents.  Needless to say Bro Sweary has never, as far as I know, been invited on to the platform again.

To anyone who visits a Kingdom Hall for the first time it soon becomes evident that this is a male preserve.  Only men can instruct and teach from the platform while women are condescendingly required to submit to the headship of the male.  In todays society where equality has rightly become assumed (though admittedly there are some areas where improvements are still to be made) JW's have gradually eroded the role of women in the congregation. Of course the women themselves will claim that they accept this inequality because it is a loving arrangement from God. This acceptance is reminiscent of the battered wife who refuses to leave her abusive husband because 'she loves him'.  She doesn't love him at all she is just frightened of the unknown.

In my experience Witness women are usually much more familiar with the bible and Witness teachings than the majority of the men.  They study not to achieve a position but simply because they believe it and want to learn.  The men are under so much pressure to progress to Ministerial Servant, Elder, Convention Department Head etc that their knowledge is, in some cases, based on what they need to know to get to where they want to be.

The bible has many positive women characters, some of them even teachers.  You would hardly expect Jesus own mother Mary to leave all of Jesus spiritual teachings to his stepfather, so why would you ignore the vast knowledge and experience of the women in your congregation?

Sadly the answer is that Jehovahs Witnesses are a young, American religion, run by middle class, predominantly white, old men who cannot see beyond their own navels.  They apply Jesus principle of headship in a way that suits their own chauvinistic views and ignore the scope within the principle to provide women with equality.  After all there are many women in the 'Remnant' and many more who have died and are claimed to be a part of the 144000.  If leadership and authority are reserved for men only, why are these women claimed to be part of Christs' Heavenly Government?