Here to Help

Leaving JW's was the hardest thing I've ever done.  That's the first time I've ever admitted to it.  I had known for years that it wasn't right but I also feared the consequences of turning my back on it.  But this blog isn't about me.  It's about a person who helped me through the worst of it and put into words the stages that all of us go through.

It starts with indignation.  You can't believe how badly they've treated you and for weeks and months you go over the same comments, experiences and situations, pulling them apart, re-visiting them and thinking of things you should have, wished, you had said.

Then the indignation turns to anger - but now it's not just at the snide comments or the nasty things people in the congregation have done, now it's also about the things you are finding out about the organisation - the lies, the deceit.  It's during this phase that most of us suddenly dare to argue against the teachings though we still feel secretly scared to be seen as 'apostate'.

Months pass and you become more and more angry that the people you once thought were close friends are no longer calling you or dropping by.  Suddenly life seems a little more lonely and you begin to treasure the people who still love you a whole lot more.

It's around this point you realise that you've changed as a person.  You never thought you were judgemental as a Witness but now you realise that you don't think of 'worldly' (or to give them their real title; 'non Witnesses') in quite the same way.  They're not all greedy, immoral, nasty, self-centred individuals, in fact most of them are just like you.  They're not 'goats' they are people and many of them are kind, considerate and even potentially good friends.  Of course a few of them are horrible but hey ho!

Eventually the anger passes and a sort of resignation sets in.  You realise you can't change anything. Your Witness friends and family are either ignoring you or barely acknowledging your existance and nothing you can do or say is going to change it - unless of course you are willing to return to the collective hive mind of the Borg - which is exactly what you escaped from in the first place.

And then some of us - but not all - wonder if there's any chance we can influence a few JW's to actually wake up and see what they REALLY believe in and we write blogs or film YouTube videos or create websites.

The thing is I went through all these stages with my wife who is the most pragmatic person I've ever met.  She says it exactly as she see's it and she left the Organisation just a few months after I did.  We would talk about it for hours every day for month after month.  In fact we still do, though not as much.  Talking to her is cathartic, it has got it all (okay most of it) out of my system - all the anger, the frustration, the bitterness and allowed me to move on.  

Which is why I feel for every ex-Witness who doesn't have someone to listen to them - someone who doesn't understand how it was and how it is now.  I think I would have gone mad. 

For a few years I avoided ex-Witness groups because I saw so much rubbish on line from former Witnesses.  So many of the websites are run by elder-wannabees,  deciding who can and who can't join, what comments have to be moderated and having various stages of importance amongst the members (remind you of a certain organisation?).  So many of them also promote just another brand of religious (I've promised not to use bad language in this post so I'll choose the next word carefully) shit.  Ooops sorry but it's true! 

Recently though I was introduced to a bunch of ex-Witnesses who have banded together to help each other and though I've only met them a couple of times I have found them a breath of fresh air and it's been a huge help listening to their experiences.  I've also learnt that you don't have to be an ex-Witness to understand and, more importantly, empathise with your partners experiences leaving the cult.  Some people just 'get it' which has both shocked and pleasantly surprised me.

If you are an ex-Witness who needs to talk through your own experiences and feelings I would urge you to surf the internet and find people in your area who have also left JW's.  Or visit my Facebook page and talk to me and others like me who are prepared to listen.  I promise I won't moderate your comments (unless someone is abusive) and I will try to put you in touch with others who appreciate just how hard it was for you to have the courage to leave an organisation that controlled your entire life.  My Facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/rydler.rydler

Please don't try to face it alone.  I was incredibly lucky to have a wonderful wife and latterly some great family members who have also gone through a similar situation, though admittedly a lot more traumatic.  We would all love to help you - just ask.

Rydler Rydler Sept 2016